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| Lee's coming in november!!! AHHHHHHHHh Im so excited :)) I dunno how to express it.. Well.. thats all i wanted to say...
YAY! | | |
| - Baby Keep Smiling
Its been about 3 weeks since I wrote, I might as well say something, because thats the point of having an online journal.. to write and bitch about your life :) haha. No bitching can fit here this time though :( I know you're all disappointed.
Oh, okay, maybe just one rant for you guys.
Seriously, the new english teacher give us LOADS of work. Which is why Im making this uber short. Im so ticked, because I don't have volleyball all week, which is a good thing, or else I wouldnt have time to do all the work... which I really dont. I have to read 125 - ish pages out of a book, do like 35 questions on it, and then write two papers on those 125 pages. Both of them a page long, and about "indepth analysis" of A single literary devise, and a color coded analysis. I have all that due, tomorrow. Do you know how much I've done? I read 3 chapters last night of the 10 I need to read. Ive done about 7 of the 35 questions. I havent even started the anlysis'. So I get to focus on this tonight. And if im lucky enough to finish, I get to catch up in my other classes(mostly AP US Hist). Yay.
Oh well. My life will be consumed with Work for an entire year. Im taking hard classes, I chose them, I shouldn't bitch. Too bad i wasnt smart enough to be like most my other friends and take average classes and what not. Im already in precalculus, I dont NEED AP Us hist, and Hon Eng on top of that and French 4. My only slack off class is LPF, which is a total bore and I loathe entirely.
Well, its 2:50, and I only got on the computer with the excuse it gave me something to do while I ate an afternoon snack, I must be off to slave on this crap for the next 5 or 6 hours.
-Zozo | | |
| Ok, fine. I feel so wrong when you guys argue against my reasoning. 1500 cals a day for me. so, my latest change in life, is, as maha predicted it, i want paul back. I feel dumb for breaking up with him. I want to try again. BUT, he also likes his ex gf, and hes looking for a more mature relationship (i.e., spending the night at each others houses on a regular basis, plus other things im not able to do). she offers everything he wants in a relationship, and i offer my emotions, and my heart. so does he want someone who likes him a lot, or someone who can fulfill a long lasting relationship (seeing as they lasted 3 years) Knowing my luck, they'll get together and last another three. plus, i broke up with him. my chances are slim but at least im fighting for what i want. soooooo i wrote a poem about it today.
When I look at you, my heart seems to soar
I wonder excitedly what might be in store
you acknowledge me quick, soon on your way
but you have my heart, and thats where it stays.
a quick, "you look nice" goes straight to my head
I walk into class all flustered and red
I feel like a toddler all sheepish and shy
watching afar as you casually walk by
then I go into class and I pull out a pen
finally writing what I feel like again
I want to text you, pay attention to me!
I want you back NOW, why can't you see?
I know you like me, but why must I know?
that you'll always love her, wherever you go
I feel like im sick, rotting on the inside
but I can't tell you that, or how much ive cried
why must I wait, while you make up your mind
i'd try to convince you.. but the words I can't find
so at a moment like this I stand and I wait.
for you to decide and get your head straight
Its just that I want you to know
no matter how fast or slow you may go
that I dont want second best, im better than that.
I am not second fiddle, or a doormat
I don't mean to be mad, upset, or angry
I just want to know if you'll choose me
take this to heart when you make your choice
that you know what I want, and you've heard my voice. | | |
| Ok, so the first week of school was ok, and the weekend was ok. I won't do that dumb diet for all of you people complaining. A growing teen girl (according to my gym coach) needs 2000-2300 calories a day. especially girls that work out. Me, i have a calorie counter. and someone of my height and weight, taking two hours of volleyball a day plus 5 minutes of stretching during vball, Plus including walking between classes (10 mins a piece) and before and after school, I am burning about (according to my calorie counter) 2655 calories a day, and am supposed to be taking in 2000. I think my 500 calorie plan worked one day, and i ate 800 for two other days.
Im pretty normal now, probably 800-1500. I usually have a bowl of cereal(300) or a yogurt(170) for breakfast, a cup of noodles(300) for lunch, and whatever for dinner(500ish). So I'm trying to be as healthy as I can. But if im eating 800-2000 calories a day, and burning about 2600, shouldn't I be losing weight faster? I don't even feel like im losing weight, I feel like im exactly the same. My legs are fairly normal sized, but im still self conscious about my upper body. I just got home from a vball game (we won against east), and Im ready to work out haha. I think i might work out, and do some push ups, sit ups, pull ups, and maybe some curls n stuff with my bros weights before i go do homework.. actually. that sounds like a great idea, i'll go now :)
See ya! | | |
| So I'm pretty sure today was the worst day ever. I went to school, and I have some pretty challenging classes, so that worried me a little. I walked into my 6th hour class during 5th hour, so i was in the completely wrong place.
I think what sucked the most was volleyball. I went to practice, and worked my butt off to suck. I had the biggest off day. After working for 2 hours the coaches say we'll have a 5 minute talk before we leave. well 5 minutes turned into 45, and my dad only had like 5 minutes to spare to pick me up. He shows up 5 till 7, and waits till 7:30 before leaving to his plans. I can't believe he waited that long for me. So its like 7:40, and I call and talk to my dad whose FURIOUS, and wanted to yell at my coach, but I called a few other people, and no one answered, so I called my dad back and said I'd walk home. Its pouring rain outside, and im in like little booty volleyball shorts, and a white tee shirt walking home. Not like I timed that long 23 minutes that felt like an eternity. but I was so miserable I was choking on sniffles and tears to keep from crying. I don't know if I did cry, or if my face was soaked because of the rain. It sucked.
Now that im really unhappy, I want to blame everyone else and it be their fault, the coah for it being late, my dad, for not waiting, but mostly, its me. I know its my fault, but am quick to evade guilt. It can't be my fault, even if it was pure accident. So today, instead of making someone come get me, especially my dad, I walked home, and the rain was like my punishment for the inconvience i put on my dad. And to punish myself for not working hard enough in volleyball, and in life, I'm putting myself on a 500 calorie diet. so, no supper tonight, and tomorrow I can have breakfast (yogurt 170 cals) + lunch tomorrow(cup o noodles 300 cals + water), and maybe a salad for dinner, no dressing. That sounds like a good idea. And if it doesnt help me lose weight in a week or two, i'll cut down to 300 calories, and start eating nothing but things like celery and hard boiled eggs (negative cals) and apples, because they boost your energy.
In sums of it all, im punishing myself, but rewarding myself with a body i want. Im far to over weight for my bone structure and size. I have such a skinny frame, and It should show. thats all for now. | | |
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